Upsizing the Family

Recently, 3 families were featured in 4 episodes of Channel News Asia’s insightful documentary series ‘On the Red Dot’, titled ‘Full House’. These families were highlighted for their unusually large size, especially in Singapore where the cost of living is high. The public response has been a mix of admiration, amazement and criticism.

This article doesn’t discuss whether what they’re doing is right or wrong, but will, instead, be taking an objective look at the more salient criticisms about the impact on the children.

Hampering Development

A parent’s time and energy are limited human resources which have to be divided among the children, not forgetting the spouse as well. Some commenters have cited the lack of parental attention as the cause of one of the children’s delayed speech development, and it’s heart-breaking to see the mother wonder the same. By the same token, some have also extrapolated that this would lead to other detrimental emotional or psychological effects. I strongly disagree and don’t think that the correlation is so straightforward.

In my trade, I’ve encountered many children who are the only child, and have deep-seated emotional and psychological issues. Hence, less attention from parents may not be the accurate cause. While language acquisition and other facets of a child development are socially influenced, the parents are hardly the sole source. Having to share a space with 4-6 other siblings, a child cannot help but acquire negotiation and conflict resolution skills. Children also learn from other adults, like their teachers, and their peers. As the saying goes: It takes a village to raise a child.

Economically Disadvantaged

In one scene, a mother has her child make a choice between two items in a supermarket. For the price of an item that would satisfy the craving of one child, the whole family could be fed at the same cost. The child grudgingly made the more altruistic choice, whining a little at not getting what he wanted. These are values that many children today need to learn badly: You don’t always get what you want, and it’s not always about you. Empathy, delayed gratification and good money sense are definitely great values that can be inculcated in these children in a very real way, albeit out of economical necessity.

Childhood Robbery

Taking care of the domestic needs of such large families puts a huge strain on the homemakers, and some of the older children are forced to take up responsibilities in the household. Some say it’s robbing the children of their childhood. I think that’s an exaggerated overstatement. I know many people who grew up helping out in households, taking care of the elderly, being responsible for their younger siblings, etc. In my Primary school days, some of my friends would rush off to help out their parents at their hawker stalls every day. I remember that this was nothing out of the ordinary. I, myself, spent some of my teenage years managing a western food stall in a coffee shop. In retrospect, it was an enriching and rewarding experience, and I would hardly say that my childhood was robbed. Besides, with so many children these days spending almost every waking hour at school or tuition and enrichment centres, I’d argue that there are worse ways to spend one’s childhood than with the family.

I think it is unfair to make judgements on these large families through the biased lenses of our own family experiences. Ultimately, these parents work hard to feed and clothe their children, and as such, I don’t think anyone has the moral high ground to paint them as bad parents. Due to their size, these families face limitations that force them to adapt, and in so doing, gain a different perspective on life; and, I believe, expose the children to harsh realities that they would otherwise be sheltered from. In this light, their glasses may be more half-full than half-empty.

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